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Grief, the unspoken pain




We don't 'do' death well in this country. We don't seem to understand death and we most certainly don't discuss it, unless we really have to.

Even then, it is reserved for mumbled condolences, awkward shuffling feet and a jolly good knees up at the pub after the service.

Why don't we 'do' death?

Honestly, I don't know, but what I do know is that it is the corner stone of suffering for many people.

People suffer in silence, unable to express what is happening, unsure as to why, after years, they still don't feel well.

The depression, the anxiety, the low level discomfort that accompanies grief, often times is treated as something else, when the roots lie in loss.

There is a process to death and in many cultures, death is celebrated as a returning home, a great joy and solace for those left behind.

In many cultures there is still the chance to meet with those who have gone. At certain times of year, when the veil between the worlds is believed to be to be thinner, ancestors return and great festivity is laid on, as families reunite and friends are together once more.

In our culture, we follow the traditional path of a service, perhaps even with a celebratory theme, but after, those who grieve are left confused, frightened and often without support for the transitional period, which can at times take years.

As a shaman, I can often see the energies which hold the deceased to this world and the family member, or friend to the other world.

It is so important that both the one who leaves and the one who is left behind are free of the need to keep the other in either realm.

This often appears as an inability to move forward in life, as a sense of being stuck or not really here. In common parlance it is described as depression or can manifest as a desire to isolate oneself from others.

The pull for us to leave with our loved ones and the pull for our loved ones to stay attached to us, to protect us from sadness is very strong.

It is for this reason that the process of grieving must be honoured, It must be given its time. the pain must be acknowledged, the loss must be felt and the person must be allowed to continue their journey onward, away from the human form.

Once we are able to set our loved ones free and they are able to move through, a beautiful thing happens.

It is now that we gain allies from behind the veil. It is now that our ancestors and our friends, become our guides.

Their perspective is so vast. Having returned home they see the truth of life and they can guide us in our journey in the human form.

So, if I may offer my thoughts, if as you are reading this you are losing or have lost someone, don't be scared.

They are never gone.

Honour the way they made you feel and the pain that their leaving has left you to feel. This is a testament to how much you loved them and their is no greater power than love.

Even if they left you a long time ago, it is never too late to set them free...and to gain their guidance and love and wisdom from behind the veil.


Inga Lamb


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